A couple of weeks ago I tweeted this tweet in jest, “It’s only a matter of time until you extra fashionable dudes get carried away and start rocking battyriders”. I meant that as a joke but it appears some of you can’t differentiate between a joke and an inspirational speech.
So as all you male groupies will be more than aware Kanye and Jay-Z are in London for the Watch The Throne tour. I’ve heard you all squealing about how wet you are about getting to see the objects of your affections live and in the flesh. I’m personally not interested as I listened to the album when it came out and it just didn’t feel like Hip Hop as I know it. When tickets went on sale the first people I heard about it from we’re women and the fashionably gay community, which further illustrates to me that this just isn’t for me. But I’m not here to discuss the credentials of the Tour or the album as we have more pressing issues to deal with, don’t we?
As I’ve mentioned through my blogs on a number of occasions I’m on the most upto date “News Network” that goes by the name of Twitter. Seriously Twitter gets the news before any of the major networks, like last year when a bus went through the front of Bagel King (an all night suppliers of filled Bagels) and almost caused a possible famine in South London… Sorry I digress. So it’s the Saturday morning after the opening night of the London leg of the tour and I’m reading through Twitter and rolling my eyes vigorously at all the “#WTT changed my life…” tweets. Seriously dick riding is becoming an Olympic sport. I’m sure it was a spectacle to behold as they’ve got the budget to make it appear so, but life changing…? Come on be serious now, this wasn’t the second coming of Martin Luther King! So as I’m reading through all of these over zealous tweets from excited young girls and grown ass men who should damned well know better. I come across some pictures from the opening night and I’m stopped in my tracks by a picture of Kanye in what I first hope to be a really long leather and fabric t-shirt. Upon closer inspection and a couple of shots of Russian vodka I come to see that nope, “Yeezy” has obviously got further caught up in his own hype and decided that a leather skirt over his leather jeans would be fitting attire for him to perform his Alice in Wonderland music to. So me being me I set to Tweeting about his choice of attire and the fact that some of these easily mislead characters who completely adore him won’t be far behind in their trip to Miss Selfridges for a frock to make sure they aren’t missing a fashion heartbeat.
At the time of the Twitter onslaught, I said the only thing holding back all of the He-Bitch fashion victims back was an outlet to buy Man-skirts from. Well don’t I wish that I had just kept my fingers off of the keypad and kept my disgust to myself. Because today I see that Marc Jacobs has not only gone ahead and released a line of Man-skirts, he has gone a step further and released Man-Dresses… Like really what the hell is going wrong with the world?!?! What chiffon t-shirts that show off your he-vage weren’t enough? Now you need to be rocking dresses? I’m sure I’ve covered this with you before, just because the word has been prefixed with “Man” doesn’t make it ok, if anything it really points out that it’s not ok and should really confined to for women only. I’m so not looking forward to a summer of Nike Composites, Snapbacks and Kanye Dresses.
Now I’m well aware that in many cultures there are traditional men’s attire that can be mistaken for women’s attire. But these dresses are actually women’s wear in the men’s department. The Marc Jacobs dresses even come in women’s colours and one of them is see through with lace trimmings… There is nothing you can say to me to convince that this is manly attire and anyone who does try to defend it will be stripped of their man parts and be put on a course of female hormones for life. Let’s look at what the designer has really down here to man up a dress? The only changes that have been made are that the shoulders have been broadened and the sizes come in inches instead of whatever the hell it is they measure women’s clothing in. But in saying that I sense that most of the men wearing these dresses are narrow shouldered types anyway and probably know their size in women’s clothing.
So now as we patiently sit and wait for Versace to come out with the summer line of Battyriders for men. I know you’ll all try to have the same pointless protest with me that you did about pink for men. And I state this now as I did then. None of my childhood heroes wore pink and they sure as hell didn’t wear dresses and skirts.