Mama I’m in love with an imbecile

I’m a big Family Guy Fan and one of my favourite substories throughout the show is that of Brian the dog and his girl friend Jillian. For those of you who don’t watch the show (you disgust me by the way) I’ll bring you up to speed. Brian is the Family dog who is very well read and by far smarter than his owner Peter. Brain meets and starts a quite serious relationship with a beautiful woman by the name of Jillian but has avoided bringing her to meet the family for reason that he not shared with anyone. However Stewie and managed to meet Jillian on his own and discovered why Brian hadn’t brought her around. Please watch following clip to see what happens when Jillian was introduced to the family.

The otherwise intellectual dog has fallen for an imbecile! The pain felt by the very realisation is crushing to the ego of the intelligent male, to know that you have been duped by your weakness for beauty/booty is just simply embarrassing. But who is to blame for this misdemeanour, the idiot or the intellectual?

I don’t think either party can be held completely responsible. After all beauty is a serious distraction that no amount of smarts can consistently shield you from. After all, we are basically animals who are slaves to our desires (yes I’m making excuses) and our animal instincts will sometimes rule our heads from the pelvic regions. When this occurs it takes a while for the mist of “I want to hump it” to clear and for us to be able make an educated judgement in regards to what we have before us, this is when we come to the realisation that we have fallen for, “the beautiful idiot”. The worst part of this realisation is that we actually knew from the beginning but brushed it aside to satisfy our hunger. We’ve probably done things that like laughed at the moments of obvious imbecility and just thought to ourselves “my my my your are good looking aren’t you”. Now from the viewpoint of the idiot they are attracted to the obvious intelligence of the genius because they are impressed by the things that they are either not, or they are pretending to be. And from a once again animalism angle they are merely trying to improve on their gene pool by mating upwards, which in actual fact makes complete sense. Even though I’m not 100% sure you can gain intelligence via osmosis like an STI. Could you imagine that? Sexually transmitted intelligence! Now if the possibilities of a severe itch or worse doesn’t scare you enough to strap up and take caution in who sleep with then surely becoming an idiot must.

I’ve looked over this and I think there are some clear indicators that you’re with a beautiful idiot and some not so clear indicators:

Are all of their hero’s reality tv stars? It is commonly known that reality TV stars are pretty dense and the shows that they star in are pretty shallow. So the likelihood is that unless your object of lust and affection is an anthropologist or plotting on ridding the world of idiots from the root cause, they aren’t learning anything of substance from watching these shows religiously. If anything they are only descending deeper into idiocy.

Worn out L and O keys on their “smart”phones? This is for the more sleuth amongst you. Most “smart”phones aren’t used by smart people to do smart things. I’m actually convinced that idiots buy these devices in the hope that owning one will somehow raise their IQ. The thing is this isn’t a flawed idea because if they actually used them for reading books or learning something rather than interacting pointlessly and endlessly on the likes of twitter and Facebook with consistent pointless input of nothing more than “LoL”, then they’d raise their intellect without a doubt.

A social but not actual grasp of the English language? If you find yourself having to explain to a fully grown adult that they need to be specific not pacific, you are in the presence of an idiot. If the explanation of the fault in their vocabulary turns into some form of dispute, try not to look directly into the glare of their beauty and just walk away and don’t look back they are beyond your help.

Arguments and dispute are waged based on horoscope or tarot readings? Ever argued with someone and they instantly break it down to the clash in your star signs or blame it on the positioning of venus? Unless you are dealing with an astrophysicist the likelihood is that they are talking tosh and have absolutely no grasp on what they are using to win an argument. Once again walk away.

Sometimes even though in the back of your mind you know that you are walking with a beautiful idiot you will fall into an intoxication of denial and spew phrases in their defence such as, “Nah man she doesn’t say much and laughs a lot because she’s shy” when in actual fact she’s doing this to cover up for the fact that she has no input to pretty much everything but has mastered the art of well placed laughter. Or the height of denial “But she pretty though right?”, try taking that one to your grandmother and see what she has to tell you about it. I guarantee you leave with a stern lecture lodged between your ears.

So let us look at this objectively. Do opposites attract? Should the imbecile and the genius stand hand in hand and learn from each other (most of the learning is the imbeciles to do). Is this just natures way of maintain an equilibrium in humanity? Or should we enforce an international law that states that all idiots should be branded with some form of identifying mark, so that clever people of the world can going on to have meaningful and intelligent sexual interactions? I don’t know the answer to this question but every time I’m asked to explain the difference between being ignorant to something and being an ignorant somebody I feel quite inclined to sign up to and get onboard with such a wild idea (it’s wild but it just might work).

And I leave you with one last example of the beautiful idiot. This one really hurt my feelings (sexual not emotional)

Disclaimer: No imbeciles were harmed in the writing of this blog

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One Response to Mama I’m in love with an imbecile

  1. Wendi B says:

    Reckon you r girl Bria could still speak if the word ‘Like’ was taken out of the English language?

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