Of late I’ve been shouting this phrase at YouTube. It’s like every time I’m recommended to listen to latest new R&B singer or R&B rapper, my initial thoughts are a combination of disappointment, irritation and prison gym instructor.
I love music, if a day goes past and I haven’t listened to music it means I’m either in a really foul mood or my electricity has been cut off. So I’m always up for being introduced to new music and a lot of people know this so I get a lot of recommendations, but of late I’ve had to write many a whatsapp letter of complaint back to people on some of the recommendations they’ve given. The problem I have isn’t as it once was with the ridiculous beats these artist were performing to. Good lord did I hate the period of time where every beat sounded like it was made for a Commodore 64 game with a host of random beeps, blips and digital bass lines that sounded unmistakably binary concocted. No now it’s the voices of these artists.
At the beginning of the week I was asked to listen to some young rapper from somewhere in the states. I got 1 minute and about 12 seconds into this guys YouTube video that was quite well produced but after the one minute intro of what was a very nice jazz sounding hip hop beat all of this good work was ruined by some squeaky nasal whinging. So 12 seconds of this have passed and I’m shouting at the monitor “Say it with your chest little motherluva”. I was so irritated by this chip n dale sounding son of a… that I had to hit a couple reps on the weights and make myself a steak protein shake. If the red mist hadn’t of clouded me I’d tell you the artists name but I can’t recall it.
So after a couple of days of getting back to listening to good music I get a message from a friend of mine who’s musical tastes I respect, (understand they will now need to earn back my respect) asking if I’ve heard of an artist called “The Weeknd”. Now I knew I’d heard them mentioned all over twitter but knew I hadn’t taken the time to listen to them as I don’t usually pay any mind to any artist I see hyped up all over the place, as the hype is usually better than the talent. So when I got home I logged into YouTube plugged the stereo into PC so that I could get my ear around this music properly. So I play the first song and I’m staring at the Speakers confused, but I don’t want to be hasty and judgemental straight of the bat so I listen to another song, and another, and another,and listen I try to listen 10 of this guys tracks and was left with the thought that this guy wrote all of these songs hugging himself, whilst crying into his low v-neck t-shirt that exposes his nipples.
So when I told my friend that this guy sounded emasculated her response was “What like Prince?”. Now listen here as much as Prince sings in a falsetto, wears diamanté stilettos and his favourite colour is purple, you’ve never been able to question that the dude is still manly as a Black and Decker covered in BBQ sauce watching strippers. And Prince is also aware of the bass in his voice and utilises that baritone when needs be.
Seriously what the fook is wrong with these artists? Where has the bass gone from the male voice? Why does every single artist sound like a camp tribute band for Drake, Lil Wayne and Kanye West? What happened to the good old days when you’d drop a needle on a new track and you’d either tuck your chain because the artist sounded so raw you thought they were trying to rob you through the speakers, or you’d hold your woman closer because his baritone sounded like it alone could possibly get her pregnant?
I just can’t bring myself to respect these young artists nothing about them says personality or character to me, nothing about these soft ass voices says to me that these are men talking to women. Everything about them makes me want to make them sit a course in Man Laws, chopping wood and fighting wild animals. Seriously you don’t need to sound soft as baby poo to get your emotions across properly, artist like Teddy Pendergrass, Aaron Hall, CL Smooth and even Method Man were quite capable of sharing emotions without sharing panties and bras. Hey maybe it’s the tight trousers blocking the baritone? Well if so that’s another good reason for those to quickly move out of fashion and for manly men to move to the forefront of popular culture once again.